Mirror my malady
by Moya-chan
Summary: "I've been at the mercy of men just following orders." Kurt whispered. "Never again." X-Men/Glee x-over, including XM:First class. Puck/Kurt. Rated M for swearing, disturbing imaginery and sexual content. Part of "Purple" verse - can be read as a stand-alone but would make more sense if you read previous fics first.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Mirror my malady  
**Author:** moya_no_baka  
**Rating:** NC-17 overall / R for this part (I guess)  
**Characters/Pairing:** Puck/Kurt  
**Genre:** Crossover, Angst, Romance  
**Warnings:** Somewhat disturbing themes of war crimes and torture (non-graphic), cussing, boy on boy almost-sex (yay!)  
**Spoilers:** General spoilers to 'X-men' movies (including 'X-Men: First Class'), no real spoilers for Glee.  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters or the universes.  
**Summary:** "I've been at the mercy of men just following orders." Kurt whispered. "Never again."  
**Beta:** ChelsaOfBakerStreet  
**Word Count:**19.500+ overall (although I think ff net counts words differently? It's 19k according to my MS Word)

**A/N:**

**1)** Took me some time to update this story arc and the 'Supernatural' crossover seems to go so SLOWLY (I swear I was going to update it last summer :/ ) At this rate I have no idea when I will pull off the SPN chapter. But sometimes an idea just hits you out of nowhere and you HAVE to type it down since it's not letting go.

But dear god, it turned out WAY longer then I first predicted it to be.

**2)** A word on the M-rated part of this fic: I don't think I can write dirty talk T_T  
My fic sex scenes are usually pretty much wordless and somewhat tamed, so I am trying to challenge myself with this series. Not sure I am succeeding.  
(Dialogues are generally not my strongest side.)

**3)** There are some German translations at the end of the fic - thanks to lillian_raven, who is all kinds of awesome :)  
(Free tip: Copy and paste translations to notepad for easier reading - no need to scroll up and down the page all the time)

**4)**Fic title from song "Wolf like me" by TV on the radio

**5)**Fic is a stand-alone type but it's a part of larger universe and it will make more sense if you read "Purple", "You cling on to all the good times" and "The path I fear to tread".

**6)** Also, I _just_ had a most amazing idea for Glee/Avengers/X-Men crossover 3  
Which leads me to the next issue: **I need help with creating codenames for Kurt and Puck**. If you leave your suggestions you get some brownie points and credits if I use them :P

**7)** Also:  
I am writing porn at _work computer_ while working with customers and listening to their little kids screaming and playing around.  
I REGRET NOTHING.

*insert funny gif here*

(No, seriously, there is something wrong with me. I wrote a blowjob scene while some brat was throwing a tantrum right next to my shop stand and I wasn't even bothered by it.)

* * *

Noun  
**malady** (_plural_ **maladies**)  
1. Any ailment or disease of the human body; especially, a lingering or deep-seated disorder.  
2. A moral or mental defect or disorder.

_"When an individual acquires a great power, the use or misuse of that power is everything. Will it be for greater good, or will it be used for personal or for destructive ends. Now, this is a question we must all ask ourselves. Why? Because we are mutants. For psychics this presents a particular problem - when it is acceptable to use our power and when do we cross that invisible line that turns us into tyrants over our fellow men?" _  
- Prof. Charles Xavier, _'X-Men: The Last Stand'_

* * *

Kurt felt frozen in his spot. He couldn't move a muscle, couldn't react at all. He felt like he couldn't even breathe and was afraid that if he blinked, then everything will turn up to be one huge, disappointing daydream. If he moved now the entire thing would crumble to ashes all around him.

"This is bullshit!" Santana waved at the TV where a conference took place in front of Worthington Laboratories. A middle-aged man was standing at the podium with dozens of microphones before him, talking about the biggest breakthrough in modern-day medicine. "What the hell is that talk about 'the cure'? We're not sick!"

Kurt had to close his eyes for a moment, since his vision turned blurry with tears after he tried to keep them open for so long. He desperately wanted someone to pinch him, to wake him up before he started to really believe it.

"This is bad." Rachel wrung her hands, clearly anxious because of the news and the ramifications that would soon occur. She was undoubtedly thinking about her fathers, safely tucked away in New York. "Do you guys think it will stay voluntary?"

Kurt just felt numb. Slowly, he stood from his spot on the couch where the group gathered to watch some action-flick, only to have their entertainment cut short by sudden news announcement. Half-blindly he stumbled toward the huge arched windows, looking at the world outside. The mansion grounds were covered in thick layer of mist, the morning being exceptionally chilly. Absent-mindedly he thought that Storm should have done something to fix this gloomy weather. He desperately wished for Noah to be here, to be his grounding point in the midst of all the emotions that stormed inside him, but the other boy was away for the day, visiting his mother and little sister.

If he had been a religious person, Kurt would say that the alleged cure was the answer to his prayers. But he did not pray and he did not believe in higher power. There was only evolution, mutation and development, biology always changing and reshaping. He stopped thinking of himself as a freak long time ago, thanks to his father and friends, but the powers that rested within his mind were still as much of a burden as they were from the very first day he manifested. If there was really a cure - then it was unnatural, something to fight against the will of nature that created mutants in the first place. It was entirely illogical to think that you could fight a progressing evolution without nature fighting right back.

But to be free of constantly keeping your guard up, to truly be able to feel every emotion without fearing that it might slip from under his control...

"Kurt?" Mercedes' voice tore him away from his thoughts and he turned slightly, to look back at his friend. The entire group was looking at him with a mix of uncertainty and a little bit of apprehension "You alright?"

"Not really." He gave her a weak smile. "But I will be."

* * *

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Kurt startled while filing his nails, his hands twitching and sending the pointy end of the file to stab at his cuticle. Ouch.

"What are you talking about?" The soprano mumbled around the injured finger on which he sucked lightly. He knew that the action was completely pointless since it didn't lessen the mild pain any, but people had that weird habit of putting minor cuts in their mouths. It was kind of gross, if you thought about it.

"About you wanting to volunteer for the fucking cure!" Puck shut the door to Kurt's room, loud enough to rattle the framed pictures on the connecting wall. "Are you insane?"

"Hello to you too, Noah. Nice to see you back home."

"Don't get smart with me, Hummel." Kurt long ago learned how to recognize if Puck was angry with him - not that the other boy wasn't as transparent as a cellophane sheet - but yelling and switching to his family name was usually the first visible sign. Usually Kurt would know he was in deep trouble with the other boy but right then he couldn't find it in him to give a shit.

"What do you want me to say?" Kurt shrugged, still seated by his desk, as he inspected the damage done to his nail.

"How about, 'I had gone bat-shit crazy for a while but I am all better now'?" Puck huffed, having enough of being ignored and grabbing Kurt's wrist, pulling the hand away from under Kurt's gaze. His touch was firm and not hurting, but being handled that way still made Kurt angry all the same.

"Let go of me!" Kurt yanked his arm back, finally rising from his chair and squaring his shoulders, as if getting ready for a fight. He had no intention on backing out of his decision.

"Listen to me, Hummel." Puck got close into the empath's face, eyes narrowing in anger. "You are NOT doing this. I will not let you." He raised his hand and slapped it over Kurt's mouth to keep him quiet when the other teenager opened it to protest. "You are not going to screw yourself up with this. You do not need it the cure, Kurt, because you are _not sick_."

"I don't recall it being your decision!" Kurt pushed the other boy away from where he'd been backed into a wall. It felt like he was being cornered in his own room and he definitely didn't like the feeling. "It's my choice and I am going to do it." He raised his head a little in defiance, giving the other boy a hard, cold look. "I am going to be normal again."

"You are normal!" Puck shouted in exasperation, his hands resting heavily on the empath's shoulders. He felt like giving the other teen a hard shake until something rattled loose in that crazy head of his and he started to see reason again.

"You know, out of all people I thought you would understand but you have no clue, do you?" Kurt shook off the grip, taking a step back and pushing Puck away. "There is not a single day that I am not thinking about all of this. I am not like you guys, your powers don't threaten to turn others crazy if you are having a bad day. Almost every single day I get a headache from constantly keeping my shields up. Every day is a fucking struggle to stay sane, and I am so _sick_of it." Kurt turned away from the other boy, focusing on the dirt spot on the wall, as if it was the most interesting sight in the world. He couldn't make himself look at Puck, fearing that he might give in if Puck was really that determined to talk him out of it. "Every day is constant battle and it makes me sick to the bone that I have to fight myself all the time, because if I let go it's not only me that will get hurt, it's others as well."

"It will get better. Professor X had been teaching you and it got better, right?" Puck somewhat hated himself for the naive hope that was clear in his voice. "You just have to keep learning."

"No." Kurt shook his head and turned towards the other boy, tears welling in his eyes. "When I heard about the cure... It was a light of hope, Noah. A way to finally be free of pain, of this endless battle with my own mind. The end of losing control and hurting myself and others. The end of being too scared to touch others, so I don't accidentally get pulled into their emotions and memories. The end of barriers crumbling into nothing because of the emotions around me, end of hopelessness and panic rooms and being so hurt that I could barely move." He looked back at Puck now, tears almost falling from his eyes, kept at bay only by the tattered remains of his will. "I feel like I am slowly going insane and there is nothing anyone can do to stop it."

Puck offered only silence for his confession but Kurt could see the muscles of his jaw twitching, like he wanted to say something and was holding himself back.

"If you take it you'll have to move out. You will have to leave the school."

Kurt wasn't stupid; he knew exactly what Noah was _not_saying.

_You would have to leave me. _

"I know." Kurt sobbed. "But I can't keep on like this. I am not strong enough and one day it's going to be too much and I won't be able to cope, because it's already so hard to recover from when my shields get fried. One day it's going to kill me, Noah, and that thought is scaring the shit out of me. I need it to stop. I need to stop being afraid."

Puck wanted to say something, shout, reason with the empath but he couldn't find words. He wanted to hold him close, tell him that everything was going to be alright, but he was too angry to do that. He felt torn between a need to make it better and telling the other boy to fuck off and leave him alone.

"Can we at least learn more about it, before you jump into it head first?" Puck sighed, shoulders sagging in defeat. "See how other mutants react, if there are side effects?"

"Yes." Kurt nodded. "I was about to do it anyways." He looked up at the older boy, still clearly angry at him, judging from the way he was once again avoiding looking at him." I can't live like this anymore, Noah. I just can't."

* * *

As it turned out, Kurt's idea of 'learning more about it' was vastly different from his. He never would have suspected that the empath was the type to sneak out at night to go to the more shady part of the city. Kurt told him that one of his semi-friends from his old school still talked to him though Skype and while the ex-classmate was a mutant as well, his and Kurt's opinions were nearly completely opposite. It was his idea for them to attend one of the meetings of 'his people', as he put it.

"He thinks it's the government's way to control us." Kurt shrugged and then snuggled deeper inside his camel coat to protect himself from the evening chill. They were walking through a seemingly abandoned back alley. "Wes is thinking about joining an anti-cure movement."

_Good for him_, Puck thought.

He still didn't think that it was a good idea. He didn't really have much against sneaking out at night - he wasn't exactly a saint himself - but the whole 'mutant initiative' meeting seemed shady even to him. He didn't really think Kurt would get enough information from it - if any - but he was willing to let Kurt call the shots. Hell, if the meeting turned out to be one huge anti-cure manifest, then maybe Kurt would have a reason to reconsiders his decisions.

The Holy Trinity Church was their destination and it was partially ruined and not exactly welcoming. Huge yellow posters screaming 'No humans allowed!" might have something to do with that. Puck could feel others staring, both of them sticking out like sore thumbs in the midst of the poorly dressed and roughed up mutants - it seemed like tattoos and piercings in any possible part of the body were the preferred style. Nobody seemed to pay them any real attention though, and that was good enough for him.

The meeting was, to tell the truth, slightly boring. They didn't really learn anything new and the rumors that were flying around couldn't be trusted without a reliable source. Some said that the cure was and would remain voluntary, to help those who are bothered by their mutation, or those whose mutation changed their appearance to the point that it was impossible for them to blend with humans. Some said that the government would force the cure on the rest of the mutant population if not enough of them agree to accept it. Others would stand up and talk about the horrible side effects that the 'cured' mutants would suffer, but when questioned about their knowledge it turned out to be only rumors that they heard flying around.

"This is a waste of time." Kurt had a sour look on his face, obviously disappointed in the proceedings as much as Puck was. "And when I talk to Wes the next time I will tell him exactly what I think about those meetings of his." He almost turned to leave, glad that they stuck to the back of the church, where they were close to the exit. The meeting was growing louder and louder with each passing minute.

"Don't move." Puck hissed and grabbed his arm as Kurt moved, holding him in steel grip.

"Wha-"

"Wait." With the slight move of his head Puck pointed towards the middle of the dais that became a speech platform for the evening. He was liking this less and less by the second.

"They want to exterminate us!" A black and purple-haired girl called out towards the current speaker, voicing a worry that was on many people's minds that evening.

"This cure is voluntary." The thin man waved his arms. "Nobody is talking about extermination."

"No one ever talks about it." A voice rang out through the church, causing people to turn their heads, looking for the source. "They just do it."

Kurt froze in his spot. Out of all the mutants in the world, he was the one they did not want to see tonight.

Magneto looked somewhat tired and more than a little haggard but nevertheless, he stood tall and proud as he launched into a speech about mutant extermination. Kurt could feel the crowd's agitation and he knew the meeting would be cut short. He tugged on Puck's hand, hoping that the other boy would get the message and he did. They slipped quietly out of the door and out of sight.

The outside was still chilly and a light drizzle started while they were indoors. Kurt tugged the coat tighter around himself and they started up the alley, hoping to get away as quickly and as silently as possible.

"I don't think so."

John was standing in their way to the exit along with several other mutants Kurt did not know. He quickly turned his head to look for another exit from the alley but the other side was blocked as well.

"That's them." A dark-skinned woman with sleek ponytail and more tattoos than was necessary stepped out of the church's side entrance, followed shortly by Magneto himself. "They are new. I know every mutant in this neighborhood and I've never seen them before."

"That's because they are Professor's puppets." Pyro clearly wasn't happy to see them. "Come to spy on us, did you?"

Puck reached out slightly, his hand automatically finding Kurt's side and pulling the other boy slightly behind him as Pyro stepped towards the pair. Acting on auto-pilot, Kurt turned around until they were back to back, so he could keep an eye on Magneto and the other side of the alley. So far the older man said or did nothing, other than studying them with calculating eyes.

"Look dude, we were here for the meeting, that's all. Let us through and we can all go our separate ways."

"I don't think we can do that." John smirked. "We can't have you running back to the Professor."

Puck didn't even have to think. Dropping to the ground and pulling Kurt down with him the equations and formulas passed through his brain in a split second. In one moment he calculated the difference of mass and density. The changes in molecules and gravity and force. The electron binding energy and weight of atom needed for the change.

In the few seconds between pulling them to ground and flattening his palms against cold concrete of the alley, Puck already knew everything he needed to know. The tingle underneath his skin was a familiar feeling, as he pushed through the molecules of the concrete, taking what he needed and using it as he wished.

A pillar made of bricks and stone pushed from the church's wall right next to Pyro with amazing speed, slamming into his side and throwing him across the narrow alley to the opposite wall. The impact of his body was audible and Puck thought it was a satisfying sound. He quickly turned his power to the mutants behind Pyro, thrusting up a wall between them, more than ten feet high. He couldn't manipulate objects into desired result without taking the equivalent matter from another source, so he used the opportunity to punch a hole in the church's wall next to them, big enough to serve as an escape route.

"Run!" He shouted over his shoulder to Kurt. "I'm right behind you!"

Kurt sprang to his feet, in a matter of second hitting the makeshift exit when he heard a pained grunt behind him and turned his head to look.

Puck had been pinned to the wall with what seemed to be elements of old, rusty scaffolding and torn pipes. His back was flat against the building's wall, metal bands wrapping over his torso like a net and another winding across his throat to keep him from trashing around. He could have freed himself with his power, if it was not for the metal twisting around his upper arms and wrists, keeping him well from touching anything he could manipulate into a different shape.

"Puck!" Kurt ran back, not caring about the escape anymore (he was sure Noah would bitch about that fact later), his hands grabbing the metal bands and trying to pry them away. In response, they only seemed to wrap around him tighter and Puck let out a hiss of pain, followed by a string of colorful Jewish swearing.

Kurt whipped around, his gaze zeroing on the person responsible. Magneto had come closer, standing just few steps away from them, hand stretched out slightly.

"Let him go," Kurt demanded, one hand still on the bands around other boy's chest. "We haven't come here to spy on you, so just leave us the hell alone."

"It is not my policy to use my powers against children." Magneto said, sounding almost sincere. "However, at this moment we cannot let you go back to Charles." He ignored the murmur of voices around them, as the gathered mutants realized just how much power the old man had. "I believe it would be sufficient if you stayed here for couple more hours, until we put some distance between us."

"No." Kurt snapped back. None of the X-Men trusted Magneto as far as they could throw him, so Kurt didn't really see a reason to start now. Not after he almost killed Marie.

"I'm not really giving you a choice, I'm afraid." Magneto put down his hand but the metal bands still stayed in place, rendering Puck immobile. "Please take them inside." He called out to the dark-skinned girl that identified them earlier. "They are not to be harmed."

Magneto was wrong, though. Kurt did have a choice.

So far he had done it only in training but he was determined for it to work. Closing his eyes for a moment, hearing the steps of approaching girl, he let himself go.

The usually unwelcome sensation of being submerged in warm water came as a relief this time. It filled his ears, his eyes, his mouth, muffling the sounds around him, washing over his nerve endings in soothing wave. Opening his eyes, the empath couldn't help the slight flinch when his vision changed - it happened every time - and the world burst in multitude of colors.

He could feel Noah next to him, his yellow worry and red anger and the unique, azure blue that only he had. In a second he had catalogued his colors and dismissed them, taking them in as Noah's signature and excluding from his targets. Inhaling deeply, he took in the others.

Magneto was gray and green, an aura of calmness dense and solid, not unlike the Professor's. The girl coming to take them away was light red and blue - somewhat angry and annoyed. He focused on her, stretching his mind towards her colors and _pushing_.

She screamed. For one terrible moment Kurt was reminded of the way Karofsky and Azimio screamed and writhed on the ground the first time he manifested, but dismissed the thought - that was accident and this was self-defense. This was the reason he was getting lessons - so he could control his power and not do any more damage than he absolutely needed to.

The girl fell to her knees, clutching her head like it was about to explode. The colors of the crowd changed to orange confusion and then anger. It was something he could work with, so he took a couple of steps forward, minding that he was reducing his distance to Magneto, but he needed to move closer in order to use his powers. He grasped the swirling red with his mind, pulling, seeing the tendrils of white panic wrapping around red, the strings of black fear worming its way out of other mutants. He pulled and pushed, twisting them so they finally snapped back and lashed out on their owners.

People screamed, some in pain, some in fear. Some collapsed, others ran away, the few that remained frozen in spot soiled themselves because of the doubled, sometimes tripled emotional impact he just inflicted on them.

Kurt turned his gaze towards Magneto, who was standing close - so close Kurt could touch him if he stretched out his arm - but his aura seemed hardly changed. The man himself didn't seem to move at all but his eyes grew hard and assessing, evaluating, as if Kurt was some kind of highly interesting specimen he hasn't seen before. Kurt was not interested in finding out what exactly made Magneto achieve such impressive level of inner Zen, he just wanted to make sure they had safe escape from this place. He pulled his mind open even more, feeling his empathy flare up on the synapses in his brain, waking up the usually dormant parts of his power that made him see more than just colors. He was judging the best way to break through that layer of calmness for something negative, something he could work with...

"Look out!" Puck's shout broke through the barrier that was shutting him away from the outside world and he turned out just in time to see Pyro, who had apparently gathered himself up after Puck's attack, hurling a ball of fire in his direction. He ducked; jumping away from it in panic but his feet caught on the alley debris and caused him to lose his balance. He reached for something by pure instinct, anything to break his fall and his hands found Magneto's clothes. One hand twisted into the older man's cloak, the other clasped around other mutant's arm, and he twisted his body so he fell on his knees rather than his face. Magneto staggered under the sudden weight, clearly surprised by the action. It all happened in span of couple of seconds.

But it was enough.

Pain like he never felt before ran through him like a sword and Kurt wrenched his hand away from Magneto's skin, an agonized sound dying in the back of his throat. He jerked back, off balance, knees and hands scraping against the rough concrete of the alley, not paying attention to splintered wood and shattered glass. His back hit the wall of the church, just a few feet away from where Noah was still imprisoned and then he froze.

Fire ran along the planes of his mind, leaving devastation behind. It branded him with needles, burned right through his own aura, brighter than anything he had ever seen or felt, brighter than the sun, brighter than actual fire, brighter than the fires of a crematorium...

Puck watched in terror as Kurt started to scream and curled onto himself, shaking almost like he was having some kind of seizure. The scream was horrible, nothing like Puck had heard before. Kurt sounded like he was dying, like something was killing him, slithering in his body and eating him from the inside. The mutants from the crowd who recovered faster than the rest were staring at him in open terror.

Kurt couldn't see, couldn't breathe, he could only scream. His life was dancing before his eyes like flashcards, like liquid lightning that burned away his skin, until it left behind nothing but charred bones. Everything was like a vertigo of memories that were jammed into his head all at once, making his mind expand, resonate in pain and feel like it was about to explode.

And then it stopped.

Puck's breath stopped as well and he could only watch as Kurt let out last, violent shudder and then Kurt's scream died, ending up with a low, raspy note that could only incline how raw his throat must feel from all the screaming. The long fingers that were twisted into his own hair as pain ate through him slowly unclenched, trembling in a way that could not be controlled. Kurt raised his head, just slightly and Puck saw that the empath's eyes were empty, glossed over and with fright he thought that they looked like the eyes of a dead person.

"Wo bin ich?"

Kurt looked at his hands as he lowered them from his hair and for a moment he looked surprised.

_Why was his skin so smooth? He hasn't looked like this for decades... _

"Was ist passiert?"

"Kurt?"

Something in that name seemed familiar and Kurt raised his head, looking at the boy pinned to the wall by the invisible force. He knew that boy...

"...Noah?" He whispered, feeling suddenly unsettled and light-headed, like he had just come down from a merry-go-round. "Was ist hier los?"

Puck looked at him, worry and fear in his eyes and then turned his head towards someone that Kurt hasn't noticed before. "What the fuck have you done to him?"

Kurt looked up and froze.

He was looking at himself. He recognized his features, his eyes heavy with experience, his own wrinkled face, his white hair. It suddenly occurred to him that last time he checked he didn't have the ability to split himself in two.

Pain hit him again, causing him to jerk violently back, head smacking against the wall, only adding insult to the injury. _It isn't you_, a quiet voice in his head called out.

_It isn't you. _

"Es tut weh!" He screamed, feeling tears springing to his eyes when agony laced its way through his mind, shredding the memories he already had and twisting in the ones he couldn't recall that well. "Bitte, jemand soll machen, dass es aufhört!"

He could feel something pushing to the front of his mind, a memory he didn't recognize (-barbed wire and screams of dying people and digging graves and the stench of dead bodies and the-) and when he tried to focus enough to take a closer look the pain that responded had him screaming again.

"Beruhige dich." A hand rested gently on one of his shoulders, the other carefully cradling the back of his head to prevent him from hurting himself again. He froze. "Hol tief Luft für mich."

Something in that voice made him obey and he took in a shuddering breath, letting it out after a second in something that half-resembled a sob.

"Langsam. Ein. Und aus."

He followed the instructions and thankfully, after a moment the pain seemed to pass, leaving him weak and boneless. His body slumped forward, his head resting on the shoulder of the person who just helped him.

Kurt knew now that it wasn't himself he was looking at. It was Magneto.

"Say your name for me." A quiet voice. A soothing voice.

"I... I am..."

Magneto pulled away, hands still resting on Kurt's shoulders, the touch somewhat calming him and preventing the raging inferno in his mind.

Kurt looked at the older mutant, at the age-old eyes and shuddered. He looked at the man crouching in front of him and tried to put together the puzzle of his memories, scrambled into hundreds of pieces.

Instead of replying, Kurt slowly raised his hand and touched Magneto's wrist – Magneto let him – and moved the sleeve of the warm sweater upwards, until a row of faded numbers showed on the skin. Blinking slowly, he reached for his own arm; his skin was smooth and unblemished like always.

"I remember getting these." Kurt's voice trembled as he stared at the tattoo, his mind not really comprehending the difference between his and Magneto's arms. "I remember how it felt to be branded like cattle and I remember the face of the man who gave me this."

Kurt looked into Magneto's eyes and could see right through the man. Shame, regret, genuine worry. He didn't even need to see his colors.

"I remember Doctor Schmidt." Magneto seemed to flinch at these words, so slightly that you would have missed it if you weren't looking. "I remember Sonderkommando... The smell of burning bodies and the piles of hair and shoes and the golden teeth and..."

"I am so very sorry, Kurt." Magneto- no, _Erik _looked disturbed, his hands clenching briefly on Kurt's shoulders. "This isn't something you should ever have memories of."

Kurt just stared, as if he hadn't heard him, or maybe because of the memories pressing forward in his mind, swirling and intense to the point of making him nauseous.

The bonds keeping Puck in place fell down, making the surprised boy fall to the ground ungracefully. He gathered himself quickly but seemed hesitant to approach them.

"No!" Kurt startled them both with his outburst, a shuddering breath that left his lungs in great whoosh of air. "I can't! Don't go-" The empath didn't continue, shaking his head as if he wanted to clear his foggy thoughts. His fingers clenched the front of Erik's sweater again, twisting into the fabric with desperate need to hold on. He was feeling dizzy, confused, like he was having an out-of-body experience. He wasn't even aware of tears rolling down his cheeks as he struggled for words.

"Listen to me, child." Erik's hands cradled his face, gently, skin paper-thin and withered with age. It was comforting, somehow, and Kurt didn't want to let go of that comfort. "You shouldn't be subjected to memories that are not your own, much less these kind of memories. Forcing you to relieve them would be the height of cruelty."

Kurt looked ready to protest again, words choking in the back of his throat.

"Take him home." Magneto addressed Puck, giving the other boy a sad stare. "Charles can help him forget again."

* * *

Hank liked this less and less by the second.

It wasn't that he minded acting like a primary medic for the school - God knew he did it enough times in the past before and now with Jean missing after pulling a resurrection act he was needed once again- but he had forgotten how much it hurt him to see others in pain.

When Charles asked him for an assistant he didn't expect this.

He shone a pen light into Kurt's eyes and the boy flinched a little, but if you had not looked for that reaction you would have missed it. His pupils reacted accordingly but that itself was a small comfort.

"Can you try something for me?" Hank gently took the boy's hand, making sure the tips of their fingers met, skin to skin, with no isolation of his fur between them. "I want you to try reading me, just a little, on the surface emotions. Tell me if something feels wrong."

Kurt blinked, as if not comprehending for a moment, and then he frowned, looking for something, pulling his power from the inside... and screamed.

The empath curled onto himself on the infirmary cot where he had been sitting ever since Puckerman dragged him in. Noah was standing silently by the infirmary wall so far during the examination, but now he was by the bed in a heartbeat, gentle hands pulling Kurt down on the cot, until he was laying half on his side, face buried in soft blankets.

"As I feared," Hank muttered to himself, noting something on boy's chart. Rummaging for something in one of the infirmary cabinets, he gave the boys a moment of privacy.

When this was all over, he would have to talk to Charles about upping the security in school - when he was still a resident here, the idea of two kids slipping out during such troubled times was unheard of.

"Kurt, can you focus for me?" Hank asked, one huge but gentle hand resting on the empath's shoulder, slowly turning the boy so he would reveal his face. Kurt's eyebrows were pulled together in pain but he seemed alert. "Good, I need you to listen to me very closely now."

Kurt nodded.

"I am going to give you an injection." Hank showed him the automatic syringe he held in his palm, having loaded a proper medication into it. "It is called a psi inhibitor. Normally I don't recommend using it, especially on people whose powers are connected with their minds, but at the moment I don't see any other choice for you. Are you following?"

Another nod.

"It is going to shut down the parts of the neurosynapses in your brain that are responsible for your empathy. Some of them were seriously damaged in the recent... attack. I feel it is necessary to give your body a jump-start towards healing." Noah was listening closely as well, a small frown on his brow. Hank wondered if his mother was ever forced to use it. "The only problem is, it's going to affect the healthy synapses as well. It is going to shut down your empathy completely for a period of time."

He could see Kurt didn't understand what his problem was.

"Kurt, as an empath you created emotional bonds with people, sometimes so primal that you are not even aware of them being there." He could see Kurt's eyes widen a little bit as realization hit him. "All those connections, big and small, are going to shut down because of the inhibitor. It's not going to be painful, but very uncomfortable and probably pretty scary. Are you okay with this?"

"A-another option?" Kurt rasped out and that quiet sound was scratchy enough to make Hank wonder just for how long he had been screaming.

"I'm sorry." He shook his head. "There isn't really another option, kid."

"Do it." Kurt sighed, his hands seeking Noah's and relaxing just a little bit when the other boy grasped it.

"It's quick acting." Hank warned as he pressed the syringe to the inner side of Kurt's elbow and released the plunger. Kurt didn't even flinch at the feeling.

It took a minute before anything happened, Hank watching him like a hawk but finally, suddenly, Kurt's eyes widened and he took in a long, shuddering breath. Puck could feel him stiffen on the bed, muscles pulling tight when the drug started to work.

"It's ok." Hank rested one giant hand just above Kurt's collarbone, leaning a little over the infirmary cot to watch him and make sure no side effects occurred. His hand was heavy and comforting in a way but Kurt didn't really pay much attention, too busy trying to breathe. "I know it's scary but it will pass and when it's over all the connections you had will still be there. I promise."

Kurt's brain registered the words but their meaning seemed to be too hard for him to grasp. He could feel each layer of empathy being stripped from his mind like used linens and while getting rid of his empathy once would make him rejoice; now it was just _really fucking scary. _

He could feel his power dying off and the bonds with other people withering away. He didn't even know he had them. In some small way, he was aware of his bond with his dad and Noah and even Mercedes - he was always able to tell if they were okay, if they were sad or happy. It was like a second nature to him, something he stopped paying attention long time ago. But he didn't know he had so many different primary bonds that were residing deep in his mind. Rachel, Finn, Brittany, Marie, Mike, Bobby, almost all his classmates, Storm and even Logan was there... and he could feel each and every bond stretch out in desperation to try to stay connected, but they all snapped either way, leaving him alone in his mind. He was aware of the small, pathetic sound he could hear in the background and only after a moment he realized it was his own whimpers bouncing off the infirmary walls.

"Shhh." Someone whispered in his ear and Kurt knew it must have been Noah. Usually he could feel his presence when the other boy was near but now that place in him that Noah resided in was cold and empty and alone. "Everything it going to be ok, you'll see."

But he _didn't _see, because the world before his eyes started to gray out at the edges and soon he knew no more.

* * *

German translations (thanks to wonderful lillian_raven):

Wo bin ich? - Where am I?  
Was ist passiert? - What happened?  
Was ist hier los? - What is going on?  
Es tut weh! - It hurts!  
Bitte, jemand soll machen, dass es aufhört! - Someone make it stop, please!  
Beruhige dich. - Calm down.  
Hol tief Luft für mich. - Take a deep breath for me.  
Langsam. Ein. Und aus. - Slowly. In. And out.


	2. Chapter 2

"How is he?"

It was a couple hours later that Charles finally came down to the infirmary, much to Hank's silent disapproval.

"See for yourself." He waved his hand towards the glass wall that separated main infirmary room from the physician's office.

Kurt wasn't alone in his bed.

Somewhere during the hours of his unconsciousness Brittany ended up sneaking (or rather trying to sneak, she wasn't very successful at that, not with Beast's senses - but he had let it go) into the room with Kurt and Noah.

Kurt was lying on his side, tipping slightly towards Brittany, who was stretched out on the bed completely, one arm around Kurt's middle. The empath's head ended up pillowed on her chest, which would normally be more then little improper for bedside care, but that wasn't actually the case. Hank knew from Jean's files on both teenagers that their powers were actually surprisingly compatible with each other. Brittany, with all her healing powers, was actually one of the few that could help Kurt in times of crisis. They worked together beautifully - her own ability wrapping around his battered mind like a protective blanket. It wasn't enough to make Kurt better immediately but it usually helped to calm down his empathy when it took rain check on him.

Noah was lying on Kurt's other side, almost pillowed against his back. One of his hands served as a cushion for both the smaller boy and Brittany, while the other was thrown over them in protective manner.

"He should recover in a couple of days." Hank studied the teenagers piled on one narrow bed. That surely wasn't comfortable. "He's going to need help with dealing with this."

"He will get it." Xavier's voice was calm and steady, as always. "Once he is well enough we will take care of those memories in his head."

"Take care how?"

Xavier gave him a long look.

"By helping him forget. Erik himself has suggested it." They knew that much, from the stammered out confession that Puck made while Kurt was being transferred to the infirmary.

"I'm sure he'll agree with you as soon as he's able to." Beast studied one of the charts Jean left behind. If he was going to be the temporary medic for the school at least for a little while he needed to catch up with the patient files as soon as possible.

"I'm sure." Charles said. "Even though his consent is not really a determining factor here."

That caught Hank's attention.

"What do you mean?"

"Erik's memories are too traumatic for Kurt to handle." Charles actually sounded sad now. "I've seen into them in the past. No one should be forced to experience events like these if they haven't lived through them. It would be cruel to leave Kurt with them."

"Surely you do not think about altering his mind without his knowledge and consent?"

The Professor said nothing.

"Charles!" Hank couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You can't."

"It would be for his own good."

"You can't think you're the one to decide against his will, if he doesn't agree. He's not a child anymore. You can't treat him like one."

"But he's not an adult." Charles shook his head. "He's a teenager who just proved how irresponsible and childish he can be by sneaking off in the middle of the night. You can't expect me to leave such a decision to him. If I believe that's what's best for him - and I do - I will act accordingly."

"Like you did with Jean?" Hanks hissed angrily. "Look where it got her now."

"I won't argue with you on this."

"Fine." Hank turned back to his files. "But don't expect me to stand back and watch as you play God."

* * *

"No."

The answer rang through the infirmary isolation room like a thunder, despite the fact that Kurt had actually said it very quietly. Three pairs of surprised eyes bore through him with intensity.

"Kurt." Professor began. "I do not think that's a reasonable decision."

It probably wasn't. For the past few days while his mind was mending his empathy finally came back and he was having a hard time dealing with it. Sleep didn't bring any reprieve from the memories that haunted him, because they were filled with nightmares. Dreams of burning flesh, of shaved heads and trains full of people squeezed in their own filth like cattle to slaughter. During the waking hours he couldn't find any rest either, because every time he left his guard down even a little, something seemed to break through his barriers. A memory of a smell once known and now forgotten. A foreign touch that for a second seemed solid and intimate and pleasing, but it was only a ghost of a feeling. Sometimes it was different, things more violent and scary then that, things he remembered himself doing and not remembering at the same time. He hasn't had a proper sleep since inhibitor wore off.

"Magneto said it himself." Noah was still looking at him like he had suddenly grown a second head but was sitting next to him nonetheless, his arm touching Kurt's, knowing how his own steady emotional output helped Kurt balance himself. "He didn't want you to have them. Those things in your head, they're not yours."

"They feel like it." Kurt whispered, lowering his eyes a little and looking at his hands gathered in his lap. "It feels like a second life that I've lived and forgotten, until now. I am not sure I am ready to get rid of it."

It wasn't all bad, really. The ones that resembled the living nightmare were dominant, true, but there were some good things as well. A memory of his father swirling him around in his arms when he was young. Eating the delicious cream fudge candy with his friends on the way back home from school, skipping over the pavement to avoid stepping on the lines. His mother and he lighting candles on the eve of Sabbath, just before sunset.

He knew it was not his dad, not his mother, not his memories - but they were precious to him all the same.

"Kurt." It was Hank's turn now. "It's the effect of your empathy. You weren't fully controlling your mind when you fell and touched Magneto. Your mind was like an open book ready for filling with words and that's exactly what happened. What you're feeling now? About those memories being a part of you? I'm sorry, but they are not real."

"I know. I know they aren't mine but I can't remove them. At least not yet. It... it's so unfair, for him to have to live with that kind of burden on his own. I don't think anyone really understands him."

"I've seen his mind." Charles interjected. "I know what kind of pain he carries inside and I like to think I helped him once to deal with his anger and need to take revenge on those that hurt him. I know his memories of Auschwitz are incredibly traumatic and I agree, no one should have to carry them for their entire life. But I also know that it's isn't fair to_you_to have to experience them."

"No." Kurt shook his head. "If I can't deal with them, then we'll see. But let me try. If you take them now, it will feel like a part of me is missing."

Kurt couldn't _really_ explain it any better than he already did. Deep down he realized his decision probably wasn't the smartest one but he couldn't help it. Of course that he knew that those memories weren't a part of him - it was logical to get rid of them as soon as possible. But he felt torn and logic had little use to him now. Magneto's thoughts were as firmly implemented in his mind as his own and ripping them out now would _hurt_.

He was startled from his thoughts by the light, barely-there touch to his mind. Whipping his head around to look at the Professor, he saw that the man's eyes were firmly on him and he shuddered. He couldn't feel Professor's touch before, not even during those long hours of training he went through with the older mutant. Why now?

"I said no!" Kurt shouted, slithering down from the infirmary bed before any of the others had a chance to react. "Get out!"

Kurt reached in deep, his empathy coiling around the foreign presence and pushing it away with all his might, throwing the intruder out and shutting the door to his mind. Xavier actually flinched in his chair - just slightly but still - before giving a long sigh, like an exasperated parent might have.

"Kurt..."

"No!" The teenager yelled again, back pressing against infirmary wall, as if putting some distance between him and the telepath would help. "You're not doing this unless I allow you to, and right now I want you to stay the hell away from me."

"Charles." Hank was having a hard time believing that his old friend would actually alter Kurt's mind against his will. "You can't do this."

"And you try to teach us about ethics!" Kurt spat, feeling dizzy and unstable. He was starting to shake, a minor tremors running through his limbs like he was freezing.

"Kurt," Xavier began again. "It's for your own good."

"Like what you did for Miss Grey?" Puck rose from his spot at the bed where he felt like he was frozen just a minute ago. Kurt had told him what he had seen in Magneto's memories. Puck stood before Kurt, putting himself between the boy and the Professor. "You're going to wipe away my memories as well?" He shook his head. "This is biggest bullshit I have ever heard."

"You try to do that again," Kurt whispered, feeling suddenly like all his strength left him in one great whoosh of air. He thought he was _safe_ here. He thought those people were supposed to be his teachers, his mentors in all things connected to mutants, from politics to ethics to their unique biology - everything. He felt _violated_, and that was just wrong on so many levels. "You try anything like that again and I will kill you."

That sounded like a completely empty threat but somehow Kurt thought that he could do it. Wrapping his mind around the invading presence and crushing it until nothing was left seemed easy now. He could. He felt... different, somehow. Stronger. Just the fact that he could feel Professor brushing over his mind was a proof that something had changed. He had no idea if it had anything to do with Magneto but he had time to figure it out.

Seeing that he lost all ground, Professor turned his chair around and left without saying a word. Kurt swayed, even despite supporting his own weight on the wall and Hank started forward to help him. Puck stepped into his way, unwilling to let him close.

Puck was pissed off. Kurt could see that without bothering to read him.

Logically Puck knew they were both in deep shit because they _did _sneak out from school in the middle of the night, but this was going too far. He didn't like the idea of Kurt walking around with Magneto's memories any better than Beast or Professor did... but he was willing to give Kurt benefit of the doubt. The empath was old enough to decide for himself. If he started to lose it - that would be a different matter - but Kurt seemed perfectly alright, if you didn't count the haunting nightmares.

"I could throw you out of my way and break your bones before you could blink, boy." Hank was angry, though for what reason, Puck couldn't really see. "So let me through."

"It's ok, Noah." Kurt was feeling tired, so tired, and wanted nothing more than go back to sleep.

He didn't flinch when Hank's hands checked his vitals and helped him from the floor, where he had slipped after his outburst, but his eyes were wary, distrusting.

He really didn't know if he was going to trust them again.

* * *

"Are you happy now?"

Hank looked like something had chewed him out and spit him out again. His fur was unkempt and sticking out in many directions. The top buttons of his dress shirt were unbuttoned and his clothes were rumpled. He had a look of crazy person in his eyes and he was _pissed_.

He had burst into Professor's office, not even paying attention to the fact Ororo and Logan were there as well. Apparently they had been deep into some conversation before his interruption.

He had just spent last forty five minutes on giving Kurt slight sedative to calm his jitters, monitoring his readings and enduring Puckerman's glare.

"Hank?" Storm seemed surprised by his outburst but he chose to ignore her.

"I said, are you happy? After you left he looked at me as if he expected me to _hit him_. What in the world were you thinking?"

"I was thinking about what was the best for my students." Charles replied. "It's been a long time since you lived here, Hank. Don't presume you know everything."

"What the hell is going on?" Logan was clearly confused.

"Is this about Kurt?" Storm had seen the boys come back in the middle of the night in distress and saw the commotion that occurred, but she didn't have any information on what happened afterwards.

"Are you going to tell them?" Hank asked. "Or should I?"

Charles looked angry at him but Beast ignored it. He was getting better at ignoring his old friend with each passing moment, it seemed. The Professor said nothing, instead glaring at him with hard eyes, so Hank proceeded to explain _everything_.

"Against his will?" Ororo seemed shocked and maybe even a little disgusted. Logan was harder to read, his expression like a stone mask. Hank knew he wasn't around a lot before, stuck with his own quest of uncovering his past, but ever since returning to the mansion he actually grew close to most of the kids. Hank remembered, back from the time where he talked to Jean and Scott by the phone a lot, that the short-tempered man often was found playing basketball in the courtyard with group of the kids.

"He's so scared that we try to do something to him that I wouldn't be surprised if he asks his father to pull him out of the school." Hank sat down heavily on the nearest armchair, after nearly pacing a hole in the floor. "And then he will truly be alone with this."

"Those kinds of memories are dangerous," Charles began, "I've seen them in the past and I know how much they hurt. If he doesn't forget it will change him, the way it changed Erik."

The Professor looked out through the window, his eyes sad and wary.

"The anger at his tormentors caused Erik to lose himself in his revenge, not paying attention to the price he might have to pay. Not even bothering with his own life. It was a great driving force that helped with creating the man he is today. Kurt won't have the option of revenge, because there is no one left to take the blame. What do you think it's going to happen if he doesn't find an outlet for all that anger and hurt that Erik transferred into him?"

"Nothing is going to happen." Hank replied. "He knows those memories aren't his. If he doesn't want to remove them, he will have to deal with them. Unless he's not able to, only _then _we can talk about going behind his back. But you're not even giving him a chance."

"No, I am not." Charles shook his head. "Logically, he knows it's not his memory, but Kurt is an empath - at times of great pressure it's not logic that drives him."

The Professor turned back to them.

"Kurt has incredible potential. His empathy is very strong and if it continues to develop in the same pace that it already had these past months, he might reach a level that I had not seen in a very long time. He has potential to reach the omega-level if he chooses to. Empaths are not most stable mutants when it comes to controlling their power. Their control often slips and then they end up projecting on other people."

Ororo seemed to get it as her eyes widened slightly.

"Do we really want to risk Kurt projecting on others while going through one of Erik's memories?"

* * *

Puck didn't like the fact that Kurt was not getting any sleep.

Kurt had temporarily traded his room with Finn, as they had done many times before when Kurt needed some kind of isolation after his empathy frizzled out. The tall boy would be rooming with Artie for a couple of days, while he took refuge in stability of Puck's emotions. Nothing really happened during those sleepovers, apart from maybe making out or occasional frottage or a handjob. For one, Kurt had not been ready to take whatever relationship they had to that level and besides, while he was recovering from the empathic pain, his dick wasn't usually rising up to the occasion. Kurt had been more interested in sleeping off whatever hurt him then _actually _getting off. Puck was surprisingly okay with that.

But now Kurt was not sleeping and Puck could see he was in the midst of another nightmare. He had learned it with his mother long time ago that suddenly waking up an empath who was having a nightmare was not really the smartest idea. They didn't really control themselves to the fullest during sleep and Puck had the unfortunate occasion to test it on his own skin. After receiving an emotional backlash of his mother, remembering how it felt to have his dad slap her around, he wasn't really keen on experiencing anything like that again. Ever.

Sleeping in one bed with Kurt was manageable. The empath like to move around during his sleep but not to the point where it made Puck want to kick him out for hogging all the covers. The night was chilly, so Puck had his regular pajama pants on and pulled on a long-sleeved shirt as well. Kurt had opted for his usual silk pajama set. It felt good against Puck's skin while he was plastered against Kurt's back, nuzzling into his neck. Deciding that the nightmare was apparently not winding down, Puck sighed and rested one palm open just on the small of Kurt's back. Pressing slow circles into the skin he gave himself a couple of minutes to just wait. Sure enough, Kurt's eye soon fluttered open and he took a deep, shaky breath.

"Okay?" Puck whispered against his hair, his hand still rubbing against Kurt's back.

"No." Kurt replied, focusing his sleepy eyes on the opposite wall of the room. He had been dreaming of the camp again, of the barracks in which they were squeezed into like cattle, the wooden bunks stinking of fear and urine and previous deaths. Of kommandoführer Hössler promising them his care and attention after they were done with their showers. He dreamed of The Beast and her taste for women and doctor Mengele feeding sugar cubes to starved children. He dreamed of gates and 'Arbeit macht frei' twisting into grotesque shape when they tried to separate him from his mother, too desperate to realize he was the one making the metal bend and twist. He dreamed of his mother's desperate cries when they pulled them apart.

"No." Kurt said again, twisting in the embrace of Noah's arms so he was facing him instead. "I'm not okay."

He could feel Puck trying to send him support and courage through their link and couldn't help but to smile just a little into Puck's neck, where he nuzzled into just a moment ago.

He had been so stupid, thinking that 'the cure' was an answer to his unsaid prayers for normal life. He couldn't imagine it now, after he had a taste of the inhibitor and the terror he felt at the sensation of his bonds falling apart. It was like drowning in the nothingness that suddenly was his mind and being cut off from others like that would have killed him if he didn't know it was only temporary. He had felt his father vanishing from his senses and it felt like he had _died_. The very first thing he had done when he woke up with the bonds still missing was to call his dad to make sure he was okay. When he heard Burt's voice on the other end of the line Kurt broke up into desperate sobs, relieved, so relieved that his father was okay that he couldn't really speak for a minute. When he finally got his voice back he had to shout over Burt - his father demanding to know what the hell was going on and who he had to kill for hurting him - trying to convince him that he just had a terrible dream and needed to hear his voice.

And this, this thing he had with Puck that he couldn't really put a name on... Kurt realized how much of a selfish son of a bitch he was. Noah was always there for him, no matter how screwed up things got with his empathy, always helping him through it without really expecting that much in return. He had been there for him every step of the way and Kurt had been ready to throw him away for the chance to live a life with fewer complications. A life he now knew would be impossible to lead without going insane from trying to reach out to others with his ability and failing miserably. A life where 'the cure' was nothing more than a way to control him, to put him on government's radar, a way to keep track of mutants so they could be corralled in and counted and-

He kissed Puck quickly, lips mashing together somewhat violently and bruising against their teeth. Anything, anything to keep that thoughts away, there weren't his, he couldn't think that way...

Puck gave a surprised yelp at the pain blossoming in his bottom lip where it caught on his teeth but the pain was soon forgotten when Kurt gave his lip a few kittenish licks to make the hurt go away. Puck's hand was still under the back of Kurt's shirt, so he made his palm travel upwards, brushing over ticklish ribs and circling between his shoulder blades. Kurt pressed in with his mouth harder, demanding entry and Puck gave in, his lips parting for the other boy. Kurt deepened the kiss, his breath brushing warmly over Puck's cheeks, his tongue delving deeper only to finally tangle with Puck's.

The kiss was slow and wet and delicious and Puck couldn't help but to twist them over so that Kurt rested mostly on top of him, feeling the other boy's body flush against his. Kurt wasn't heavy - the boy had gone through a small growth spurt in past few months but he was still no competition for Puck in general body size - but the weight of him was a comforting presence for Puck as he tried to chase Kurt's tongue with his own.

Puck's hands traveled down until he could place his palms firmly on the globes of Kurt's ass, making the other boy shift in his position, his legs pulling up until he was straddling the other teen, groin to groin. Kurt gave a little moan at the feeling of Puck's cock rapidly hardening against his own half-hard erection.

"Mhm." Kurt purred as he finally tore his mouth away from Puck's, his hands digging a little under the shirt the other boy was wearing and tugging impatiently at the fabric. "Off. Want to feel you."

Puck raised himself just enough for Kurt to peel the shirt off him. He fell back against the pillows with a soft 'thump' and kneaded his hands on Kurt's hips as he watched the empath unbuttoning and taking off his own pajama top.

Kurt's vision swam before him and he could only blink helplessly as his world shifted into the swirling mass of colors, but it was good, very good, making him sigh at the multitude of pinks, purples and magentas.

Kurt leaned in to kiss him again, but instead of his mouth he aimed for his neck, making Puck arch underneath him, head tilting back to give him better access. Puck's hands did not stay idle for long and soon he was tracing his hands over the strong muscles in Kurt's thighs and over his firm ass. Giving a little sigh of content, Kurt jerked his hips a little, making them both moan at the increased contact.

Kurt's skin felt like it was under the electric current, sparks and colors twisting between them like a force of nature, their emotions an endless loop of feedback. He was taking it all in, basking in it and feeling blissfully empty of every negative emotion.

Kurt raised himself a little, hands resting on Puck's chest and firm stomach as he twisted his hips again, wrenching a hiss from Puck as it brought their cocks together. But it was not enough, not enough contact and Kurt wanted _more_. Without waiting for a reaction, he reached behind himself and with a twist of a hand he pulled Puck's pants halfway down his thighs. The other boy just raised an eyebrow at him when he smirked, making a quick work of his own pajama bottom.

"Fuck." Puck closed his eyes briefly when Kurt twisted just so, one hand still resting on Puck's pectoral for support, the other circling both of their cocks snugly together. "Baby, you're going to kill me like this."

"But what a way to go." Kurt gave a small laugh before his voice dissolved into a series of broken gasps as he rutted them together. Neither of their dicks was exceptionally large - Puck would have said they were both in the upper average and it made it that much more rewarding when Kurt could fit them both fairly comfortably in one palm. The sore chaffing that would come later would be a bitch, but was _so worth it_.

Not too long after Kurt let go of their erections, Puck giving him an inquiring raise of his eyebrow. But then any comment he might have had died on his lips when Kurt did some kind of twist with his hips and oh fuck, Puck's cock was sliding between Kurt's parted legs, brushing on the underside of his balls and right between the cheeks of his ass.

"God," Puck's hands gripped Kurt's thighs harder, to the point of bruising. "Want you so much, Kurt."

"I know," Kurt grinned. "Empath here, remember?"

The slow pull and slide was made easier with pre-cum leaking from Puck's cock and one of Kurt's hands had gradually traveled to grasp his own straining erection, pumping it slowly. He was touching himself while grinding on Puck's dick and Puck had to take a deep breath at the sight. Kurt looked absolutely beautiful like this - hair mussed by sleep and making out; skin flushed with arousal, cock red and straining as it curved towards his stomach, still tightly grasped in his own hand. The idea of _him_making Kurt look like this made something tight swell in his chest. He could hardly stop himself from snapping his hips upwards just as Kurt was grinding down.

"Fuck!" Kurt swore as the sudden movement made Puck's cock slide harder in the crease of his ass, the slick head catching on the rim of his hole in an illusion of pressing in. "Oh!"

Puck wanted it so much, just to press a little harder, a little further inside and slip into the welcoming warmth, but it was not his call. He might have had his share of sex but Kurt was still new to this, despite the boldness that he was showing tonight. He wanted nothing more than to twist them around until Kurt was on his back and just pound him into the mattress until the empath was blissfully loose-limbed and well fucked out.

Kurt seemed to catch on his hesitation and slowed down his grinding, wrenching a growl from Puck.

"Don't be a tease."

"I'm not." Kurt promised, both hands back on Puck's stomach, caressing the firm muscles there. "I just want to try something. Can I?"

"Fuck yes."

Kurt laughed, bending down until he could press a kiss just above Puck's nipple. Giving the hard nub a little lick and a gentle bite, much to Puck's approval, he moved down until his tongue was nearly at his navel. All the while his hips had been moving down Puck's thighs, until he was in comfortable position.

Puck suddenly had a clear idea what the other boy had in mind.

"Kurt, baby, you don't have to do this."

Kurt raised his head enough to look at the other teen, his eyes wide and pupils completely blown.

"Don't you want me to?" The question sounded innocent enough while Kurt's hand was anything but, as it wrapped around the base of Puck's cock.

"Fuck, you know I do." Puck hissed at the touch. "But you have to want it too."

"Hmm." Kurt's eyes were half-closed now as he gave a first, tentative lick to the underside of his cock. "I do."

It was a weird sensation. It felt like something new, something he had not even really thought about before, but at the same time he had a vague feeling of familiarity. This was stupid since Kurt had never given a blowjob before so he dismissed it from his mind for the time being. Puck's cock was heavy in his hand, rock hard while covered in satin of delicate skin. Kurt took just a moment to really look at it, feeling it pulsing in his hand. Deciding after a while that he had enough of watching, he lowered himself and closed his lips over the sensitive head.

Puck did his best not to thrust upwards, giving Kurt a chance to set the pace, but it was _hard_. Kurt gave his cockhead a little suck and then pulled off and moved down the side of the shaft, lips still pressed tightly to the skin. Mapping the throbbing veins running down Puck's dick, Kurt decided that while idea of sucking someone off was still a little scary, it was definitely gratifying seeing Puck swallow his moans while he struggled not to move.

Moving up the other side, his lips finally closed over the top once more and he took a deep breath before moving down an inch. It made his mouth stretch - not really uncomfortable just yet, but definitely a weird feeling and he had to remind himself to be careful of his teeth. Puck was just an average size from what he could tell but in these circumstances he seemed maybe too big. Moving steadily down Kurt could feel his mouth filling more and more and he was a second too late to realize he misjudged how much he could take. He pulled up suddenly, a choke dying in the back of his throat. Gagging was really _not _sexy, so he wanted to avoid that at all costs.

"Sorry," he smiled sheepishly at Puck, who was looking at him through heavy-lidded eyes like he was the best fucking thing in the world. "I don't think I can take it all."

"It's ok." Puck whispered, one of his hands reaching to smooth Kurt's hair back from where it fell over his forehead. "Just as much as you're comfortable with."

It seemed reasonable, so Kurt tried again, this time watching for the first sign of his gag reflex showing up and not taking too much, wrapping his hand over the reminding length. Getting his rhythm was a little awkward at first but after few moments he seemed to get the basics down, sucking hard as he moved up, his hand moving to cover the remaining skin.

"Shit, so good baby." Puck hissed out, one hand still tangled in Kurt's hair but it was just resting there, massaging his scalp, not forcing his movement. "You're doing so good."

Kurt was pretty sure Puck was humoring him - it could hardly be the best blowjob he had since he had been sexually active for couple of years now, but he appreciated the encouragement.

His jaw was starting to feel a little tired by the time Puck tugged gently on his hair.

"Gonna cum." Puck wheezed out as the air seemed to leave his lungs. His stomach was rippling with tension, a sure sign that he was close. "Come here."

The empath pulled off his cock with last obscene slurp and slithered up his body. Puck kissed him hard, all lips and teeth and tongue while Kurt's hand continued to jerk him off. It took less than a dozen pulls and a thumb swiping over the over-sensitive head to get him to finish line.

"Kurt!" Puck wrenched his head back, mouth opening to let out a string of broken moans. "Fuuuuck!"

Kurt pressed his lips against Puck's throat as his hand milked the remains of his orgasm out of him, hand sticky with warm come. He gentled him right through it until Puck weakly batted his hand away, clearly too sensitive to be touched any longer. He reached down to the floor where they dropped their clothes earlier and wiped his hand on Puck's shirt.

"You'll be washing that later."

"Maybe, if you're nice about it."

He got only silence in response.

"Puck?"

"Hmm."

"Don't you dare to fall asleep."

"I'm not." Puck laughed, opening his heavy-lidded eyes, looking like a sun-warmed cat. Kurt was still hovering over him and Puck raised a hand to caress his flank, his touch just on the verge of being ticklish. "That was pretty awesome."

Kurt only rolled his eyes.

"But now I think it's time for me to do something about this." Puck shifted them around until Kurt was halfway on his side and halfway under him, focusing of kissing Kurt's neck. At the same time, his hand traveled down to lightly grasp the empath's cock.

"Yes," Kurt's head moved up to give Puck more space to work with. "I think so too."

Puck gave Kurt's cock a few lazy strokes, not really listening to Kurt's growls about being a _fucking tease_, occasionally giving wide, open-handed strokes around the base and over the sensitive skin of his thighs. He grasped his balls gently, giving them a calculated tug and rolling them in his palm.

"Nggh!" Kurt bit back a moan and dug his fingers in Puck's arm when the other teen thumbed the slit at the top of his cock.

Puck released some of the pressure again, wanting to stretch that moment in time for as long as he could. Kurt was alive under him, warm and plaint and focused only on his pleasure. There were no nightmares and haunting memories, no restraints over his power. The empathy was buzzing free between them - Noah couldn't see the colors but he swore that he could feel their connection being blown wide open. Everything was so sharp, so clear, almost suffocating him but it the good way, the _best _way. Kurt was taking in everything he was feeling and giving it back with doubled intensity. In the back of Puck's mind he wondered if any of the others in the mansion could feel the resonance of their emotions, but decided not to worry about it too much. Kurt looked radiant, basking in the positive emotions that were thrumming between them, looking disheveled and happy, for once.

Puck's fingers teased the delicate skin of Kurt's balls, slowly dragging lower and over the perineum and he earned himself a sharp gasp. Feeling bolder still, when Kurt didn't say anything to stop him, he moved his fingers even lower, gently running over the entrance there.

Kurt gave a half-moan at the sensation and his free hand grabbed Puck's neck, pulling him in closer for a kiss.

"Do you trust me?" Puck moved back from the kiss, pleased when Kurt tried to follow, tried not to lose the connection.

"With my life."

The reply was instant and uttered without thinking and it melted something in Noah's heart.

Stretching higher up the bed, covering Kurt temporarily and earning a chuckle from the smaller boy, Puck reached into the bottom drawer beside his bed. He had kept lube there for some time now, preferring to be ready when Kurt decided that their odd nights of sleeping together could evolve into something more heated. Friction burns were not fun if they could be avoided.

He kissed Kurt again, slowly, taking his time with mapping every bit of the empath's mouth. Kurt responded without delay, opening his mouth to allow Puck to nibble on his upper lip and try to chase his tongue. Puck was keeping himself semi-upwards and over Kurt while resting on one elbow. Using his free hand he popped open the cap of the lube.

"Tell me if you want me to stop." Noah finally whispered, his lips traveling down to suck at Kurt's neck. He was careful not to leave any permanent marks on the pale skin - Kurt didn't really appreciate hickeys that much.

The lube warmed up quickly on his fingers and after just a second on hesitation he brought them back to Kurt's ass. He was certain that if the empath didn't like it he would have no qualms about voicing his objections, so he didn't worry about asking him if he was okay every five seconds. Kurt didn't look like he was going to oppose the idea anyways - not with the hungry look he was giving him, lips parted and breathing heavily in anticipation. He had bent one leg, pushing his thighs apart in a shy, inviting manner. Puck's lips finally left his neck, choosing instead to observe the other's reactions.

He used two of his fingers at first, bringing them to the wrinkled ring of muscle, running them over and around it, warming Kurt up to his touch and the foreign sensation. With the slightest pressure, just enough to have his fingertips catch on the sensitive rim; he continued to work him open.

"Jesus," Kurt wasn't a believer but it seemed that his brain to mouth filter wasn't working very well. "Keep going."

At the beginning of the night Kurt wasn't really expecting things to go as far as they did, but he had no intention of stopping. Full-on penetrative sex wasn't really on the table for them yet but this felt like a good step to take next. He wasn't a stranger to certain amount of shy self-touching to his ass, but he never actually tried to put anything _inside _of himself.

He could feel the colors flaring up around him, clouding his vision in pink and violet and deep purple, everything so intense that it felt like his brain was melting. The empathy frizzled out at the ends of his nerves, making his skin alive, his blood singing an intense tune of need and love and lust and _wantwantwant_-

Puck used Kurt's momentary distraction to coat his thumb well in the warmed lube and slid it in, just to the first knuckle.

Kurt tensed for just a second. It was an odd sensation. It didn't even hurt but it didn't really feel that great either. He wasn't about to stop now, he knew perfectly well that it was impossible for him to feel good right off the bat. Virgins didn't really feel any pain or were uncomfortable only in cheesy tv-shows and romance novels.

"It's ok." He whispered when Noah gave him a questioning look. "Feels weird, that's all."

Puck nodded, accepting the answer and pushed his thumb a little bit further in, circling it slowly to stretch out the resisting muscle to the point of relaxing. Small circles, in and slightly out, mimicking what might come one day when Kurt would be ready. He noticed that Kurt's cock had softened somewhat due to lack of direct stimulation and he planned to remedy that as soon as possible.

His thumb was inside Kurt up to the last knuckle now and Puck had to take a deep breath. Kurt was positively burning, walls of the tight channel gripping his digit like a vice. Every time he moved he could feel Kurt's insides clinging to him, as if his body was reluctant to let him go. Kurt looked a little unsure on what would happen next but he wasn't ordering him to stop.

Twisting his hand a little, Puck turned it until he could splay his reminding fingers over Kurt's pubic bone and around his semi-soft cock, two fingers on each side of the sensitive organ. Then he curled his thumb in, pressing upwards.

Kurt's fingers dug into Puck's neck hard enough to draw blood.

"_Fuck!_" He hissed, afraid to let his voice go and be heard by their friends, or worse, their teachers. "Do that again!"

Puck only smiled, obliging his wish. He pressed his thumb up again while pressing the rest of his fingers down, gripping Kurt in the most intimate way possible. He could feel the hard lump of tissue under his fingertip, quivering under the touch. Kurt closed his thighs against the pleasure out of pure instinct, his back arching a little off the bed.

"Oh! Just- please!" The empath's eyes were squeezed shut almost like in pain, but Puck knew it was the complete opposite. His grip on Puck's arm was white-knuckled and his stomach trembled at each touch to his prostate.

"Open up." Puck whispered huskily, his hand currently held immobile in the iron-like grip of Kurt's legs. "Open up for me baby, and I will make you feel so good, I promise."

Kurt took a deep breath, gathering enough willpower to move. Finally, almost reluctantly, he parted his legs again, shivering in anticipation. Puck shifted a little until one of his legs was between Kurt's knees, preventing him from involuntarily clamping them down again.

"You're so tight, baby." Puck whispered against Kurt's temple, circling his thumb slowly around the bump of the prostate, avoiding pressing on it directly for the time being. Kurt whimpered, pressing their foreheads together as he watched what Puck was doing with heavy-lidded eyes. He was looking at what little he could see of Puck's hand, watching the other boy finger him. Puck could feel his cock stirring again against Kurt's calf. "When we finally do it, it's going to feel so good... You gripping my cock like this."

"God," Kurt panted, his temple still pressed against Puck's lips. "Do it again... just do something!"

"This is not enough?" Puck teased, keeping his touch light and around the little bundle of nerves.

"No." Kurt's free hand grasped Puck's arm, trying to somehow steer his hand. "Please Noah... please, please, plea-"

Kurt's begging turned into a high-pitched keen when Puck changed his pattern. He was pressing up firmly once more, but he was releasing the touch after a few seconds. Just holding and releasing. Holding and releasing. He sneaked a hand under Kurt when the boy arched up from the bed, encircling his waist and holding him in place.

"Oh!" Kurt's hand, the one not currently wrapped around Puck's neck slapped down on the bed, fingers instantly twisting into the sheet as he tried to hold on. The world was swirling before his eyes, filling it with colors, but all he could feel was sweet, sweet pain centered around that point inside of him. He writhed, Puck's arm under and around his waist holding him down. His toes curled upon next pump of Puck's fingers and he bit on his lips to stifle his voice.

"No, let me hear you." Puck whispered to him. "Let go and let me hear you. You're so hot like this, Kurt. So hot and beautiful and _mine_."

"Can't." Kurt whimpered. "Everyone will hear."

"Screw them." Puck was definitely hard again, watching Kurt thrust his hips up to match his movement, feeling the empath's body twisting next to him. "Let go."

"Shit." Kurt let his head thumb back on the pillows, eyes falling shut. Puck could feel the red-hot walls around his thumb contracting around him, gripping him like a vice and he knew Kurt was close.

"I want you to come for me, baby. Just like this, from my finger alone." Puck wanted Kurt to let his voice go, just feel and not give a damn about consequences for once. "I want to feel you squeeze me so hard... it would feel so good on my dick when I finally get to fuck you into the mattress."

Kurt moaned, just a little bit louder, his fingers twisting into the sheets so hard Noah could swear he heard the fabric rip. The empath's stomach was rippling with tension and Puck knew it was a matter of seconds before he came.

"Do you want me to fuck you, Kurt?"

Kurt's release hit him like a ton of bricks, almost catching him by surprise. His back arched in Puck's hold, toes curling with the onslaught of pleasure as he tumbled over the edge, strips of sticky come painting his heaving stomach. He cried out, finally letting go and it sounded almost like he was in pain, but if the insane pressure around his finger was any indicator, he was feeling anything but pain at that moment. Puck kept his thumb inside him while Kurt writhed on the bed, pushing against his prostate, feeling it pulsate among the contracting walls, milking it for what it was worth. Another weak spurt of seed came from Kurt's cock, dripping down his skin as the boy whimpered at the intense sensation. After a long moment it seemed that he was spent, his cock wilting slowly to rest in the crease of his hip.

"Nghh." An incoherent moan was all that Kurt could muster as he sluggishly pushed against Puck's arm. "T'much..."

Puck pulled his thumb out, slowly, carefully. Kurt didn't seem to notice, unable to do anything but lay there, panting, trying to stop the world from spinning around its axis.

"You ok?" Puck asked, running his hand soothingly over one trembling thigh, his thumb leaving a wet trail in its wake.

"Mhm." Kurt purred, head curling towards Puck who placed a kiss on his sweaty brow. Kurt's belly was still twitching slightly in aftershocks of his orgasm and Puck used his already soiled shirt to wipe off the cooling cum.

"What 'bout you?" Kurt asked when Noah started to get them under the sheets once more. Sheets that were definitely ripped in one spot. The empath reached to loosely grasp Puck's renewed erection, giving it a slow tug.

"I'm fine." Puck shook his head and turned the unresisting boy to his side until Kurt's head rested almost on his collarbone, sated and warm against him. "You're wiped, so let's just say you owe me one for next time."

"Hmm." Kurt's eyes were already closed. "I like the idea of next time."

"You and me both, baby. You and me both."

* * *

Four days later the Professor was dead.


	3. Chapter 3

"We need to talk about Kurt."

Hank's voice tore Storm away from her thoughts. She had been sitting at Professor's desk, her fingers drumming lightly against the polished wood as she wondered what the hell they were all going to do. She didn't really feel equipped to take his place.

"As much as I want Kurt to get some help as well, I honestly don't think that's our biggest problem right now."

"It may be so," Hank said. "But you're the principal of this school now. Your duty is to your students and one of them is on the verge of collapsing because of his ability."

"What would you have me to do, Hank?" Ororo asked angrily. "The only two people who might have been any help to him are dead now."

"Jean and Charles were not the only ones with psychic ability. I have friends other than the ones who left the walls of this school. I'm sure I would be able to find someone who can help him."

"I thought you were the first one to fight the Professor on this subject?" Storm asked, clearly confused. "You said so yourself, doing it against his will is out of the question."

"That was before he started to deteriorate." Hank looked out of the window, taking in the grounds surrounding the school. The day was dull and gray and Storm didn't seem in the mood to do anything about it. "As a doctor I cannot stand by and watch him slowly kill himself because of feelings and memories he shouldn't have in the first place. I thought he would be able to handle it, but he's not thinking about it as a rational person would."

"That's because he's not rational, his empathy has huge influence on him." Storm said. "We're asking him to leave behind memories he identifies as his own, even though deep inside he realizes they are not."

"And what happens to him if Magneto's memories influence him too much? I had every hope in the world that he would be stronger than this, that he would be able to tell the reality and these fictional feelings apart. I fought Charles on this, asked him to give Kurt time to deal with it on his own. But it's not happening, Ororo. He needs our help."

"I will not force him."

"Then we risk his death." Hank shook his head. "His empathy cannot handle that kind of pressure properly - he's getting weaker every day. He's not eating, he hasn't been sleeping and frankly, I think it will slowly drive him crazy if we do not stop it. I think... I think this is the point where we say 'enough' and take responsibility for Kurt's well-being if he's unable to do it himself."

"So you're just like the rest of them."

A quiet voice caused them both to turn towards the door. Hank's heart dropped when he saw who was leaning against the door frame.

"Kurt!"

"You're just like Professor. You don't think I can be responsible for my own actions so you're going to treat me with kid gloves and do things to me against my will."

"Kurt, you're going to get yourself killed." Storm stood up from her chair, agitated. "No one is going to force you but you need to just _think_about it! This memories you cling to, they are causing you pain and it will not end well."

"Saying you will find someone from the outside to _help _me sounds awfully lot like forcing me."

"I do not want it, but maybe it is the best solution." Storm argued. "At least we would be following Professor's orders."

As soon as the words left her mouth she realized it was exactly the wrong thing to say. Beast seemed to understand that as well.

"Kurt..." Hank shook his head, willing the boy to finally understand he was endangering himself and the others along with him. If he could just make the boy _listen_...

"I've been at the mercy of men just following orders." Kurt whispered. "Never again."

"No." Hank said, recognizing the words from years ago, years that seemed like a different life to him now. "That is Erik's memory."

"It doesn't matter." Kurt turned his gaze away, focusing on the invisible spot on the carpet. "I have it now, so it's mine as well."

Hank moved, just an inch towards the boy, willing the empath to just talk to him, to try to convince the boy to see reason.

It was a mistake.

He had not felt a pain like this for a long time, not since he stopped fighting for X-men and traded a uniform for a suit and a place in the White House. It made him stagger and fall to his knees, hands gripping the pristine fabric of the carpet hard enough to tear. The pain was piercing him, his head feeling like it was about to explode and he let out a moan of pain. Bile was rising in the back of his throat and Hank raised his gaze high enough to look at the boy still standing in the door frame, eyes focused on him. Hank grunted, agony lacing his bones and causing him to lean heavily on his arms. Pain was pulling him down to the floor like an owner disciplining a disobeying pet.

"Enough." Another voice cut in.

It stopped as suddenly as it begun and Hank took a shuddering breath, finally pain-free. He looked to his side to see if Ororo endured the same treatment, but she was still standing in her spot, frozen in fear and disbelief. Hank couldn't really blame her - she was always close to Professor and his death shook her hard. Seeing another student attack one of them was probably hard for her to deal with at the moment.

"You made your point." Logan let go of Kurt's arm, which he must have grabbed just a moment ago. Kurt was looking at him with an indescribable expression. Hank gathered himself slowly from the floor. It seemed like some residual pain still vibrated through his bones, making him shaky and weak.

"They don't seem to get it, but maybe you will." Kurt's voice was calm, quiet as he addressed Logan. "If any of you try to influence me without my consent, if I feel anyone trying to mess with my mind, I _will _hurt you."

He kept staring at Logan until the man gave a slight nod.

Kurt didn't think that the others would stop their quest to get him back to his old self. Back to being normal, not that he thought he was ever normal to begin with it. Logan was probably the only adult left who could relate to his current situation. He would not allow them to scramble his mind until the end result suited their beliefs. For all he knew, they could just outright inject him with this 'cure' and be done with him.

They would not stop. So Kurt would have to stop it himself.

* * *

A couple hours later after the incident Puck ran to Storm's office, not really paying attention to other adults gathered there, pondering over some files on the computer, probably trying to predict Magneto's next move.

"He's gone!" Puck screamed at them, pointing an accusing finger at Beast. "It's your fucking fault because he thought you were on his side and now he's gone!"

Hank didn't even try to deflect the punch that Puckerman threw at him. He could hardly feel the impact, but he figured he deserved it.

* * *

Magneto was tired.

The members of his Brotherhood were like children to him, his own children. He felt responsible for them like he had always felt about those that followed him. Their anger was his to carry, their hopes and dreams as well. He wanted to give them the better future they all deserved, but never at the cost of his best friend's life.

Charles was always his friend, no matter how much their paths differed during the span of years. He was his first friend, first confidant, first person who truly cared about him as a human being. He had not experienced such kindness at any point in his life before, apart from the few short years he had with his parents. Charles had been his comrade, his brother, his _universe_.

Charles was dead.

Erik felt old. He hadn't felt the weight of his years in a really long time but now he could feel every single hardship he had to endure slam down on him like a landslide. He didn't feel inclined to deal with John's foolishness, not after he snapped at the boy for wishing Charles dead. He didn't want to tiptoe around Jean's dark personality - he just wanted to rest inside his tent, be alone and forget about everything. He wanted to mourn his best friend.

His tent wasn't empty. A hooded figure stood by the table that had been used earlier to plan their approach to Alcatraz.

"I'm so sorry for your loss." A quiet voice reached him, coming from under the hood of over-sized black sweatshirt the intruder was wearing. "I know how much you loved him."

"And how you might know that, I wonder?" Erik was not in the mood for games.

The person invading his tent was silent for a minute, grating on Erik's nerves. He didn't feel threatened by their presence, but later on he would have few words with mutants who volunteered to serve as camp's security force.

"I know," The intruder said, pulling off the hood slowly. "Because I felt it."

The boy looked like hell. Magneto had seen him barely a couple days ago and the teenager looked like he had been in a fight and lost miserably. Dark circles under his eyes stood out in stark difference to his pale and clammy skin. He also looked like he had lost ten pounds in those couple of days. Erik was half-tempted to tell him to sit down before he fell down.

"Mr. Hummel." He learned the boy's name from John after the unfortunate incident at church, not paying much attention at the disdain he could hear in John's voice when he talked about the empath and the other boy, the shifter. "I can't say I expected to see you here."

"Yes, well." Kurt looked down, avoiding eye contact. "I didn't really expect myself to be here either. Life's funny that way."

"Sit down." Erik offered finally. "You don't look so good."

"Understatement of the century." Kurt sneered, but took the offer and slowly lowered himself to the rickety chair. "I haven't been sleeping well for a while now."

Erik froze.

"You didn't go with it, did you?" He asked finally, feeling angry and disappointed at the same time. "You didn't ask Charles to remove my memories."

"Oh, he wanted to." Kurt hid his face in his hands, elbows resting at the table. "I just didn't let him."

"I told you to do it." The older man poured a glass of mineral water from a nearby bottle and set it next to Kurt with a soft 'thunk'. "Those things in your head, they will eat at you, destroy you piece by piece. They won't do you any good."

Kurt didn't say anything for a long while. Magneto settled for just watching him.

"If someone once told me I would have memories of Auschwitz in my head and I wouldn't want to do just about anything to forget about it... I would say that they were bat-shit crazy." Kurt started, slowly, like he had to struggle to get the words out. His hands left his face and he took a sip of water, glass trembling in his grasp. "It's a nightmare that never ends no matter if I am awake or dreaming. When I make myself a sandwich I catch myself staring at the knife too long, wondering how the hell I could smuggle it past the guards into the barracks. When I catch the whiff of Logan's cigars I want to puke my guts out, because suddenly I remember how the air near crematory smelled. And the other night when we were watching a movie and someone started speaking German I nearly damn wet myself." Kurt gave him a bitter smile and set the glass down, every move calculated, like he had to save energy even with the simplest tasks. "So no, I can't say it's been all roses and sunshine."

"Then why are you hanging on to it?" Erik knew what Kurt was talking about perfectly. It took him years and years to stop involuntarily react to smallest of things. "Why don't you want to forget?"

"Because you can't."

The silence that fell was almost deafening.

"What?"

"Because you can't." Kurt repeated. "Do you know what empathy means?" He asked, seemingly off-topic. "It's a capacity to recognize and acknowledge feelings in other sentient beings. And what I recognize right now is the fact how utterly, horribly, unfair it is that you are the only one who had to live through this. And now I know how it feels too, I experienced it through you. I feel like I lived through it and it's a part of me now and I cannot discard it just because it makes me uncomfortable or it might hurt me. That's what empathy is, to me."

"Kurt," Erik shook his head lightly, standing next to the teen and extending one hand towards him. Kurt grasped it without thinking, his hold strong despite how fragile he looked right now. "I have had years to deal with my memories. I had help too - Charles played a huge part in my life and helped me let go of some things. Those memories... I don't think of them anymore, not like this. They seem like a different life now, like something that happened to someone else. It's the only way I know to process them and hide them in the corners of my mind so they won't hurt anymore."

Kurt looked close to tears, like he was hearing something he didn't really want to hear. Holding Magneto's hand in tight grasp, he realized that the touch of the original owner of the memories wreaking havoc in his mind was weirdly comforting.

"Why should you hang onto those memories if I don't?"

Kurt didn't reply.

"Kurt... Why did you come here today?" Erik asked, not unkindly.

"I don't know." He whispered back.

"Why did you come?"

"I don't know!"

"Why?"

"I don't-!" Kurt chocked back a sob. "Because I need your help!"

Energy seemed to seep out of Kurt as he bowed his head and his shoulders shook with grief. Magneto only blinked once, twice, before raising his free hand to wave it slowly in Kurt's hair. The boy was shaking with tension and effort not to cry. Erik cradled his head gently towards himself, until Kurt's forehead rested against his stomach.

"I don't want to get rid of it, I _can't_." Kurt choked out, voice wavering as he closed his eyes. "But they want to force me anyway if I don't give them my consent. I can't go through this again, I just can't."

Erik said nothing as the boy was struggling to get his emotions under control. He was projecting, just slightly, probably due to his compromised state. Erik could feel the despair rolling off him like waves, the hidden anger and fear that stank of hurt and betrayal.

"I don't think I'm just an empath, not anymore." Kurt confessed. "I don't know if it's because of you or maybe you just pushed me to discover something that was in me all along, but I can do things I couldn't do before. I am changing and they are afraid of me."

Magneto couldn't really argue with that.

"I don't know what I am anymore." Kurt whispered, finally letting go and allowing tears to fall, wetting the soft sweater that Erik was wearing. "They won't give me a chance to find out, not now."

"No, you're not just an empath." Magneto stroked the brown locks once and then gently grasped Kurt's chin, making the boy look up at him. "You are something else. Something new." He gave the boy a small, tired smile. "Something beautiful."

* * *

Kurt woke up a couple hours later, judging by the entrance of the tent and the dusk that settled outside. His eyes felt like he had sand underneath his eyelids and his head was throbbing with constant, dull pain. At first he opted to just lay there, unmoving, trying to comprehend what had happened.

He recalled falling into exhaustion after breaking down with Magneto holding him and how weird was that? But Kurt couldn't help being drawn to Erik and even though he knew those feelings came from the older man's memories coursing in his head, Kurt thought he actually understood Magneto a little better now. He wasn't approving of his plan to eventually eviscerate humans, because hello, last time he checked his dad was still a human. But he understood - Erik's experience in life was a clear pathway to Magneto's conviction and he couldn't blame the man for never trusting regular people again.

He gathered himself from a small cot in the corner of the tent where he must have collapsed earlier - and how embarrassing was that? - and pulled his hoodie closer against him to ward off the cold. That particular article of clothing belonged to Puck and it was three sizes too large for him, but Kurt knew he needed some more practical clothes for this little escapade then his regular repertoire.

The forest outside was calm and still, people gathering around campfires or huddled in various tents. Kurt took a deep breath, feeling the breeze on his skin remove the rest of sleep still clinging to his eyelids.

Magneto was in his line of sight, walking with someone not so far away, talking too quietly for his ears to catch any words. They stopped for a moment and he and his female companion looked somewhere to the right. Kurt followed their stares and his eyes fell upon the figure of Doctor Grey. She was still and silent as a statue, staring somewhere in the sky as if she was praying, but Kurt knew better.

"She's all black and twisted inside, now." He said quietly as Magneto and the woman finally came to a stop at the tent. "There is nothing of Miss Jean left in there."

"I'm afraid that what you perceived as true Jean Grey was never the truth." The woman said, not unkindly. "This is who she was always meant to be."

"Then I am glad that I didn't know her real face." Kurt shook his head. "Because this one is corrupted and molded and to tell the truth, pretty damn scary."

They were silent for a couple of moments before the woman spoke again.

"Maybe we should get inside."

Kurt was getting pretty cold out there, so he wordlessly moved back into the confines of the tent.

"Kurt," She addressed the teen who looked a little unsure why she was there. "My name is Siren. Magneto suggested I might be able to help you."

Kurt's eyes snapped back to Erik, who annoyingly was giving nothing but his usual calm gray-green aura.

"I believe Siren's abilities will be just the thing to help you in your current predicament."

"Explain." Kurt demanded.

"Feel free to read me to see if I am telling the truth." Siren said, taking a step towards him and wincing in pain when Kurt moved back, his mental shields colliding with her like a sledgehammer.

"Relax, Mr. Hummel." Siren pleaded. "I won't do anything without your permission."

Kurt looked wary, but released his mental hold on her. He didn't shut down his empathy, preferring to see her in colors, not willing to risk a slightest chance that she might turn on him.

"Siren's power is the answer to your problem." Magneto sat down by the table, motioning them to do the same and waited until they did before he continued. "She is a very gifted telepath who would be able to manipulate your memories for you. With you."

"If you allow me," She began, "I will access the memories that are causing you so much distress and then I will guide you through them as you decide which ones you will keep, which ones you will discard and which ones you just want to dull, so they don't hurt so much anymore."

Kurt was looking at her with wide eyes.

"You can do that?"

"Yes."

"And I would be in control?"

"All the time."

Kurt closed his eyes for a second.

"Where's the catch?" He shook his head and gave Magneto a sad smile. "I don't know anything useful strategic-wise about the school or plans that X-Men might be cooking up right now. I don't get it, what is it worth for you?"

"Leave us for a moment." Magneto said to Siren and she gave a small nod before obeying.

"I don't get it." Kurt ran a hand through his hair. "She was telling the truth. But... why?"

"Because you asked me for help, Mr. Hummel." Magneto said. "Because you came to me when you couldn't come to anyone else and contrary to popular belief, I do not take any pleasure in suffering of others."

"I didn't mean-"

"Every single mutant is important and I do not like seeing them in pain, imprisoned or hurting. You came to me for help and this is what I am offering you. A choice. You don't want to get rid of my memories and while I do not agree with that decision, I will not force you."

It sounded too good to be true. It was all Kurt ever wanted - a choice that was his and his alone.

"I am helping you, Kurt, because I meant what I said last night. As mutants we keep on evolving, but _you_... You are something I haven't seen before. You are powerful now and you will only grow as time passes. It would be a travesty to let you waste away because of my past."

Kurt was blinking hard, holding back tears. Lately it seemed he had been on verge of crying all the time.

"You are something different, Kurt. Something _exquisite_. I hope I live to the day that you will come to pinnacle of your potential."

Kurt closed his eyes and swallowed around the lump in his throat.

"Call her back." He whispered, giving in to the promise in Erik's voice, to the care and awe he heard in between the words. "Let's do this."

* * *

"I'm going with you."

Logan turned after he descended from the stairs, Storm at his heels. Puckerman was leaning on the wall next to one of the classrooms, looking determined and somewhat pissed off.

"This isn't what I meant when I said you should make your choice, Logan." Storm was fuming, not bothering to show her displeasure. "Your place is here with us, defending this school. And you!" She pointed at Puck. "You are not going anywhere! Last time I checked you're still underage and we are the ones responsible for you, so you will stay put!"

"I don't care." Puck shrugged and turned his gaze to Wolverine. "You think you can find Miss Grey?"

"I can track her. I have a starting point at least."

"Then I'm coming. I am pretty much sure he's with them."

"You don't know that." Storm interrupted, shaking her head. "We don't have a single clue as to where he is."

"Where else could he be? _You_turned him down," He pointed at her, anger causing him to almost see red. "And he isn't with his father because I already checked with Burt. So I think it's a pretty damn good chance that he went to the only person who would understand him."

"This is madness!" Storm wanted to just grab both men and just shake some sense into them. "You don't even know where to look!"

"But I do."

Three heads whipped around as a quiet voice reached them from slightly ajar front doors, neither of them noticing movement in the midst of their argument.

"Kurt!"

The empath had little time to react before Puck was before him, crushing him in his embrace.

"I'm okay." He whispered, arms reaching to close around Puck's waist as the taller boy held him close. He buried his face in Puck's neck and breathed in deeply. "I'm okay. I'm sorry Noah. I'm so sorry for leaving you like this."

A long moment later they were interrupted.

"You sure you're fine, kiddo?" Logan said.

Kurt reluctantly let go of Noah, even though the other boy refused to let him move too far away, keeping one hand on Kurt's shoulder.

"I am now."

"What happened?" Storm joined them at the door, a little wary of Kurt after their last encounter. Puck could feel Kurt slightly stiffen in his arms, as if he braced himself against their teacher.

"I needed to talk to Erik."

"You actually found him?" Logan raised an eyebrow.

"I think that now I would be able to find him anywhere." Kurt shrugged. "He has unique mental signature I can recognize anywhere."

"What happened?" Puck squeezed his arm gently. He was so glad Kurt was back home but at the same time he was getting a little freaked out. It wasn't every day that your boyfriend - Puck figured that's what they were now - went off to have a date with resident villain.

"He gave me a choice." Kurt gave the other boy a small smile. "I still have his memories... but they don't hurt anymore. They are... dulled, so to speak. Like a bad dream that you once had and if you don't focus very hard you don't really remember all the details."

"And how did he do that?"

Kurt didn't like Storm's attitude. He knew perfectly well that she was hurting after Professor's death and she was burdened with responsibility for the school, but her tone grated on his nerves anyway.

"I will be happy to explain everything to Doctor McCoy later." Kurt glared at her a little, but gave it up after a moment and turned to Logan instead. "Don't go after her."

"I have to."

"No, you don't." With some hesitation Kurt reached to grasp Logan's hand, sending him images he saw and feelings he felt when he read Miss Grey. "She's not there anymore."

"No." Logan gasped when he felt the transferred emotions, the blackness of Jean's soul. "I have to try."

"She's hollow." Kurt whispered, voice trembling due to the wave of sadness he could feel from Logan. "She's like an empty hall - if you call out your voice will echo long after you leave the room."

Logan let go of his hand and looked away, just for a second. When Kurt caught his stare again his eyes were hard and unforgiving. Determined.

"Tell me where she is."

* * *

It was over.

The fight at Alcatraz was done, Miss Grey was truly dead this time and Magneto was neutralized.

Kurt still didn't know how to feel about the last part. Erik's power was one of his reasons to exist. It was because of it that the Nazi killed his family, because of it they experimented on him like he was an animal and because of it he kept on living. But now he was dosed with 'the cure', helpless and stripped of his ability. Somehow he made out of the island and the police was still looking for him, but he had gone MIA. Deep inside Kurt was glad that Erik avoided capture.

It was late evening now, days after the battle and Kurt was stretched out on Puck's bed and a little over Puck himself, cheek resting on the other boy's shoulder.

"What are you thinking about?" Puck asked, running his fingers through the empath's hair, knowing full well how Kurt disliked having it messed too much. "Not about...?"

"No, that's behind me now."

And it was. First thing Kurt had done after the fight was over was to sleep for sixteen hours straight and demand copious amount of food right after he woke up. He reluctantly allowed Hank to take all the tests he wanted and explained his encounter with Siren as best as he could. It wasn't easy, putting in words things that were never actually said, things that were beyond words - emotional responses to gentle telepathic prodding, her guidance over the planes of his own mind, him sorting through Erik's pain that lingered in his mind.

He felt like his old self, but new at the same time. It was a weird feeling, but somehow, it was liberating. He hadn't had a single bad dream ever since. He didn't lose track of time even once. He didn't catch himself daydreaming during simplest tasks, relieving the events of Erik's past. He still had those memories - if he thought about it really hard, focused on them, then he could remember all of it - but on regular basis they were just a shadow of bad dream.

He could live with a shadow.

* * *

The day was warm and just slightly breezy and residents of New York had left their stuffy offices and homes and came to Central Park to enjoy their day. Children were running around, playing tag. People were jogging or walking their dogs. Some had brought out blankets and lounged on the sun-warmed grass. And a small group had occupied the chess tables, playing with their old companions or new friends.

"Have you told them?"

A movement of chess piece and an old, wrinkled hand gathered his rook from the board.

"About you?" Kurt asked, studying the board. "No. Do you think I'm stupid?"

"I think you are anything but, Mr. Hummel." Erik waited for the next move.

A moment of silence stretched between them, not uncomfortable.

"You know, you're supposed to teach me how to play this game but I don't think you're doing a very good job." Kurt huffed, finally choosing to move with his bishop. "I think you just enjoy beating me."

"I most certainly do not, not when you are still new to it."

"Hmm." Kurt made some indescribable noise and after a moment his eyes travelled up from the board to catch Magneto looking straight at him. "I also recall you offering to teach me some other things."

"That I will do, Mr. Hummel. That I will do."

Erik looked back to the chess pieces and smiled, reaching out to execute his next move.

"Check mate."


End file.
